DETOXING after the holidays, TIPS ON HOW TO DETOX.

Detoxing after the holiday should be a must do. never neglect your body after a mucus filled meal lol. eat to be healthy.

what is friendship?

                           What is friendship?

This has been my number one question while I’ve surfed from one friendship to another. The plaguing of this one question in my mind has not been easy, I tell you. The only answer I’ve gotten was… what I wanted for and from my ships, likewise connections. My only issue is i've never understood people’s desire in their ship.

For example: In my ships, I would like a flow of honesty, understanding, genuine speech and different perception. I need to feel comfortable enough to call after 4 months and don't feel the distance. I need to be able to vibe out with you on a higher level without feeling like i'm a teacher, sometimes. I would like to be a student of you and vice versa. We must be able to communicate on the same level. We must be able to push each other to higher and bigger things. If we're going to be in each others lives, let’s make it great.

Over the years, my friendship was far from that.  I’ve had people come and go, Friendship died; i've had the awkward friendships and the plain old "using friendships". In addition, what they’ve all had in common was me pushing for something they did not want. On the other hand, I’m giving my all and receiving half in return.

In return for my "high standards" for my friendships, I’ve had people fear me, think I’m a snob ,and the best one yet liked me because... I’ve realized that my standards was high to them because they've never experience something similar to what I was  offering So to them it was too much. I’ve come to a realization that during all the bouncing from one ship to another that, I must never feel defeated because another person doesn't recognized what I have to offer. 

The craziest thing someone said  to me was (dialect)“I think you was thinking too deep about this friendship though,” shocking right? To hear something like that, made me speechless to say the least. I was so astonished by the comment that it made me think, why be in another persons life if you’re not ready for the journey and responsibility that comes with that, or why be in their life knowing you were in it because you wanted something from them but at the same time, you dislike that person?. People don’t realize that the energy you transmit whether good or bad comes right back at you. People call it karma, I call it energy because we’re surrounded by energy. Every single atom and cell Is made of energy. Thus, whatever your energy is concentrated on the strongest is what you’ll received. Anyway I digressed, The bottom line is if you're not true with your emotions how do you expect to receive genuine emotion in turn. The same   way you want another person to be Genuine in your life  the same applies  for another being. 

During all of those transitions, I started questioning myself  "Why are you so desperate for a friendship? 

Why you afraid of being alone?

 So what if you don't have friendships? 

Are they even meeting the criterion of the friendship you are aiming for? 

Are they even interested in the friendships?”. I’ve ran from answering these pressing questions because I knew the truth and a painful truth it was, and that was they weren’t as interesting as I AM. 

When I sat down to really answer those questions it broke my heart to simply put. Realizing that was when I knew, I needed to heal and fill the void, rather than trying to fill that space with a ship or ships from the wrong people. Meanwhile, I’m over here being  forgiving, understanding, committed and being totally... considerate towards them or their actions, then to have it still end in the same results, sunken ship. 

I’ve even went as far as studying the environment that I’ve resident in which made me come to a realization that the people here (some) aren’t familiar with what I call a   "friendship". Which made me understood the people I allowed into my life a whole other level. 

Let me elaborate, I’ve noticed that people’s friendships here are fill with a “ I’m going to use you until I get what I want” mentality. They've all used each other, talk about their so-call friends private business with another friend and some even went as far as sleeping with their friends partners. After witnessing all of the dishonesty within those ships, I begun to understand why people bare the skepticism toward the word friendship and not to me. 

I’ve noticed that over a period of time,  people never looked at another person but looked at them through the lens of a title or category, in which they've placed them in while they’re in that friendship. Subsequently, from that title people would determine how to treat that person not realizing that, they’ve placed an innocent being within that “betrayal category”, because of a past experience. 

During this discovery, I found it very unfair (speaking from the “innocent person” point of view) to start any connection with a person, while still harboring old feelings from any unresolved “ships” that may have left a rotten taste in your mouth. Yeah, i understand the process of the pain you’ve endure, because I myself have endured them, but living your life from a defensive standpoint will only leave you lonely and stagnate. Rather than being in a negative emotion and claiming “ the Do for Do” attitude, we should try to forgive. Not to forgive for them, but forgive for us and for the people who we may unconsciously hurt because of that unhealed pain. 

For the people who are always in a defensive mindset. let me bring something to your attention, have you considered the possibility that maybe…. people don't fancy being around a person with whom they have to constantly choose their words wisely when speaking with you?, for fear of you misunderstanding it, which leads to them avoiding you because they don’t have the mental capacity to deal with the negativity; or The constant fighting to be heard in a simple conversation with you Thus making them feel like a parent. Or Having to be in a ship where a person who is on 100 all the time calls for allot of patience, which eventually runs out. Sooner or later, that person will not want to be around you because of the efforts they’ve had to muster just to be in your present. Considering all of those factors, I had to still asked myself “ how can I ask something of them when they’ve never receive or don’t know to recognize it”. which lead me to look at it from another point of view.

Let’s look at it another way: 

Of late I’ve noticed people making this comparison between a relationship and a marriage, stating that the two are completely two different things on the same path, which is to have a mate. So I wanted to know how true this statement was which got me into “detective mode”. so I went into extensive research and questioning ( from some of my marriage and relationship friends) and this is what I’ve gathered. 

Relationship: people work for the marriage. Yeah, yeah I know some will deny this especially the ladies but let’s be real… whenever we enter into a ship or marriage is always the ended game. It’s never far from our thoughts because of what society has taught us. Moving along, while in the ship some of us will put on a persona: we’re more compliant, understanding, forgiving and have hardly any "demands”. they’re comfortable with each other, the high on the partnership is calm and beautiful. We have our “get along” caps on because both parties don’t want to lose. The infatuation high is on 100 thus giving way to all bad habits also the “tread lightly” phase is set and ready, therefore adding up to both parties not expressing their true nature at the beginning of the relationship, because of fear. The fear of failure and fear of being left, once again. Majority of the time, people live their lives from the fear of past experiences and never give themselves a chance to experience the new. 

Marriage: Starts with the burden the world has created that word to be. The standards are higher and the divorces are more expensive. The ladies have plans and the men just want to know “what changed?” also the ladies are thinking, “why haven’t he grew up yet” but that’s a topic for another day.  I’ve really come to realization that Words and people’s experiences with those words, do have a hold how they perceive and live their lives. Due to this, the word “marriage” makes people change and with that changed, the responsibilities people viewed or place marriage on is at a whole other spectrum. 

Those views are from the, “ what I want” factor; and the “what we must accomplish” factor. Instead of the, I’m happy my mate and I have come so far together and whatever our lives holds, we’ll be alright. The pressure on the accomplishments and what they saw a married coupled should be or should achieved in their marriage maybe what is leading their ship, instead of what they actually want together without outside influences. As a matter of facts, are they never other people’s influences in anything we’ve ever done in life… that’s what we should question and answer, before we enter into anything with another being, Which leads me to my bonus example, children…  

Children: It’s the same thing with having kids. Children have a title of their own as well. That title is fill with personal wants and achievements for and from that child based on the parents experiences but never what the children wants, why? because some big idiot said, “children don’t know what they want” but that’s another story to blog about as well. Move along, The “I wants” are allot when it comes to parenting “I want my kids to be a certain way; they must do this and that, by a certain age; or why doesn't my kid do what Efua is doing?” etc. The burden for your child to be “better than, accomplish more, or never experience the life I did” takes some much away from the parents seeing who that child really is which in turn doesn’t allow the child to blossom into their full being, during their course of being here. Their individual personalities was push down to accommodate for the parents “wants and needs” BUT let me not condemn the parents only, society has some hands in this as well. So as you can see, we need a different blog for this story, because there are so much to be said about this specific topic. 

Another example is work.

Work: the mentality is... i must get promoted before this year and before this person. Everything is experience and done through the eyes of competition. So in this environment there will always be tension and division. The trust is completely out the window because it’s a "every man for himself" arena. Acting that way they haven’t realized that they’ve  forgotten the endgame, which is to provide for their families and live a happy life. People has been taking everything so seriously and lost the value of  their priority in the first place. 

With the examples I’ve provided,  we can see how people has been regarding allot of the titles and words in their lives without realizing the effect it has taken. people’s personal feeling and experiences impact their reaction to those words, And the emotional reaction that words or word may have trigger is how they would respond. therefore, we should clean our negative triggers from our words, then start trying to understanding a person from that person’s

word or prospective instead of our own. we don’t realize that the negative emotion placed behind those words become a burden. we live by the heaviness of a word instead by how we want that word to be for us. Life is suppose to be experience, not taken seriously i've realized we've lost that or wasn't taught that. we've all miss the whole experience and made it draining. Humans truly take their life lessons too seriously and miss the whole teaching. The things that you're experiencing isn't supposed to be held, it's supposed to be learnt from and move on from. when you've noticed that you seemed to be going in a continuously circle, it means you've miss the whole lesson and life is doing a whole rewind on you until you've learn from it. Wait…. and again, I feel like i've digressed way too much, thus back to "friendship".

i've always loved this quote from Maya Angelou, "if someone shows you who they are believe them”. this quote has been ringing true to me lately more than it usually has.  What I’ve learnt from it was never make an excuse for a person behavior and to always observe, and over the years that all i've been doing trying to understand the behavior of humans to the point that things hardly shock me... my responses are always so nonchalant and to me, that's sad.Why should i always have to be so open and understanding, but it's never the same with me. Ya would think from all the betrayals, i would lock my emotions down but I chose not too ( maybe someone should start thinking that way).

Here's why I didn’t feel the need to lock my emotions down. Locking my emotions down for me, means hurting another person and that I was AND will not to be apart off. To knowingly inflict the same pain that was caused to me would start a cycle and I was too alert to activate that cycle.  That's why i'm careful not to mirror my emotions that may lead to me passing that painful emotion onto another person. Here is how I overcame that: before acting from that negative emotion I would placed myself in their shoes, thinking along the lines of “it's not their fault therefore they deserve an aggressive reaction” with that mindfulness, i’ve learn to forgive and heal for a better me and one less victim. when you’ve hurt another being that pain is always tucked away somewhere in a person's mind or heart. 

Someone said “its not what you did, it’s how you made me feel”. Remember, every time they see you it always a darkness they feel or a dark memory being awaken, knowing that allowed me to never put myself in a negative place to engrave a bad energy into another, because my thoughts  always leads me to this one questions: “what if they do that to another?” and that thought, stops me from starting a cycle. The endless “I hurt a person, they hurt a person” train I was not going to board.  And maybe, just maybe along the way someone like me comes up who thinks the same, may stop that cycle but by then the damage would’ve been done. Furthermore, who knows how many people between that cycle would have been hurt.  For that reason, in my journey if i can stop that and just share love and teach love, i'm satisfied with that because knowing about twenty person may have passed on some great energy and energy I’ve given, with knowing that is all I live and ask for. I’m here to teach better and make a person feel better, by doing this i feel like my heart is complete. 

In conclusion, we must consider that people like me who’s  living this path can be painful at times. Having to live an empath life where you always have to deal with people’s darkness and pain, knowing whatever they've say or do to you, means you cannot react with the same thinking or energy is the hardest emotion to control. Some days, i wish our people can heal instantly so that we all can live a completely peaceful life. I’ve heard people saying if the earth gets peaceful it will be boring, i call bullshit... the earth being peaceful will be so beautiful, calm and easier. Those people that said must only know darkness and those are the people who haven't had the experience of the bright side. With all the being said, take my advice and be a good friend, speak up, and don’t lead people on. Maybe, just maybe… that person actually likes you and truly consider you a confidante. 

Thank you for reading my blog and remember, be awesome and love life.

Life is simple, people. 

Like and comment, I would love some feedback.

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this was a long painful experience but it made me in a great being and i'm forever grateful. not only did it made me who i am and who i will become, it will also help allot of sisters out there.  which was my reason for doing this serieS, i will write a more indepth dialogue about this in the coming days. for now, please enjoy and i hope it touched you like it did me.

WELCOME TO KULTURE HEALING!

hello blogger world,
                               My name is Alana and welcome to KULTURE HEALING. i'm here to confuse your life with serious but entertaining issues. First on my agenda today, i will be discussing our bodies and the bad relationship we've had with our foods, as well as how some of these very good tasting foods are bad for our bodies.

The heavy amount of foods we've consume daily is causing havoc on our digestive system, i like to call it the " heart of our bodies". Our bodies don't know how to digest these processed food....  why?  because our body is an energy cell that needs live food ( earth foods, green foods, fruit foods) to function as it should.

let me explain, our number one reason for being sick is mucus, every illness we've ever had was some form of mucus, yea i know nasty, but majority or if not all of the processed foods we've consumed turns into mucus ultimately that mucus turns into diseases as a result of that our bodies are deprived of the oxygen it needs, which leads too illnesses like asthma, cancers, high blood pressures, clots and more.

Don't get me wrong, food isn't the only contributor to our illnesses but its the most frequently used contributor. i know that some of you thought foods were safe as well as it was healing us or even keeping us strong because of what  we were thought by our our forefathers and mother, well.... i'm sorry to burst your bubble but what our forefathers/mothers were thought would have been a new way of eating and life style of living. All our ancestral or i should say some of our ancestral teachings were lost or forgotten ( side note:  they tried to hide our teachings but couldn't keep the information from us for long why? because our kung fu is strong... ) but i'm getting of topic, sorry.  we were told that we must eat three meals a days which is incorrect,  i've learnt over the past few years by eating so must, often and heavy within a single day is causing our bodies to over work therefore causing us to age faster and get sick easier and frequently.

I've gone into much details about this subject on my youtube channel. i will be discussing more about  this topic on a next level scale, because i'm tired of seeing our people sick by cause of  the food industry. For today, this is all i will  be posting until i'm use to this blogging thing but  above is an insight to what i will be discussing.

 i'm a big and form believer of the quote "eat to live".


Until next time, have grateful day.

To get more information and understand what i'm talking about visit my youtube channel @alanagonsalves